Commentary" Calvin Steyn

Your overall essay has some good points but there are some parts of it that are confusing. Your thesis is, “For this reason and many more I find the demands for reparations by the people of African descent to be wrong and no real case to back it up. I think as a thesis statement, it should be a little bit clearer on what you are going to be writing on, it is a little bit vague. It also does not tie into your arguments that you are making on why it is unethical to give reparations to the people of African descent.

In your second paragraph you give many valid points on why they should not receive reparations but I think, to make a stronger argument, you should just focus on one specific reason why and expand on that. So maybe expand on the argument that not a lot people were affected so the damage was not great. Your paragraph has a lot of evidence to that argument so cutting out all of the extra stuff would show more focus on the argument you are making.

Your argument for the third paragraph is that the benefit far outweighs the cost of slavery in America and that we should not be giving reparations to someone who was not a slave. While these are very good points, they should be in two separate paragraphs and should also appear in your thesis statement. You support your arguments with valid evidence that backs it up. Maybe add a little bit more to prove why it is unethical. You should also shorten your quotes a little bit and expand more on those.

Your essay does get the point across on why the African descent should not receive reparations, but in some cases it is a little unclear. Make sure the evidence you are giving to support your argument fits with it and doesn’t go off of the subject. Your weighting of the criteria is fair and is equal to any reader. Another thing I noticed was that you did not include a counter argument. Although it is not completely necessary, it shows fairness to the other side and also can strengthen your argument by proving the opposing side wrong and showing them differently. Fix these easy things up and I believe that you make good arguments to support your criteria.